Nanafue's Street Corner
by LAPIS FTW
Summary: When the Fish Stew Pizza sign gets destroyed by those Crystal Jerks once again, it's up to Nanafue to make money. How? By selling her amazing body on the Street Corner of course! (A Parody Fic) Flames welcomed with open arms, nice hot beverages, curling up beside the fire and talking about our feelings.
1. The Beginning

"Peridot! Just come at of the bathroom already!" Garnet yelled. They heard a snort.

"Yeah, like I'd do that, why can't you clods just leave me alone?!" they heard Peridot reply.

"Can we come to some agreement; I have to go number 2!' Steven cried, holding the seat of his pants while bouncing on his feet.

"Sure! Do you have my limb enhancers?! No? Well then no deal!" Peridot shouted. Garnet growled and summoned her gauntlets. She drew her arm back for a punch, despite Steven protesting. Garnet released the punch, expecting to hit the door… Then out of nowhere Amethyst happened to get in the way.

"Hey G! Have you seen my thong? Me and Vidal-"She didn't get to the finish her sentence as the punch connected with her stomach. An audible crack was heard and she went flying through the roof, her scream trailing off as she flew further away. Steven gasped.

"Amethyst!" He dropped to his knees. "Why?" Garnet frowned slightly.

"You do know she's alive right?"

Meanwhile, Amethyst was still sailing through the air, screaming. Gravity finally started working again, and she quickly fell down… right into the Fish Stew Pizza sign and through their roof.

While she was lying on the ground groaning, Kofi was screaming his head off.

"My sign! My lovely sign! Ruined again by those Crystal Cunts again! I just had it fixed, why must these things happen to me?'" He screamed, Amethyst groaned and sat up, rubbing her head. She looked at the hole in the roof.

"Yeesh, sorry about that, _but_ if you had it fixed last time then you should have no problem now!" she shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile "Ok, gottogobye!" she said quickly, running off. Kofi started screaming incoherently, prompting his daughters and Nanafeu to come out from the kitchen.

"Dad, why you acting so crazy?" Jenny said, crossing her arms. Kiki looked up at the hole in the roof.

"I think that's why." She said, pointing at the roof. Kofi finally choked out real words.

"We can't afford this! We spent all our money last time repairing the shop! What will we do? I'll have to go back to being a mime and escorting people! I can't go back to that!" Kofi screamed, panicking. Jenny gasped.

"Ooo, escorting, that's sounds fun!" Jenny said.

"That's cause you're a nasty slut Jenny!" Kofi yelled. He put his head in his heads. "We'll go bankrupt from the payment…" He sobbed. Nanafue smiled.

"Oh ho ho, you guys tend to forget that this old prune swallowed a lot of dicks back in her day! I'll just have to resort back to my Younger day and sell my sexy body on the street corner once more" Nanafue said causally. Kiki made a disgusted sound.

"Eww, you did that? You nasty girl" Kiki said, Nanafue narrowed her eyes.

"Hey, I'm surprised you aren't already doing it! Kiki sounds like kinky!" Nanafue snapped back. Kofi threw his hands up.

"Absolutely not! No selling yourself! We'll just have to work extra hard and advertise mo-!" He was cut off as the sound of a door shutting and closing resonated throughout the restaurant. Kofi ran to the bathroom door and started pounding on it.

"Mom! What are you doing?!" He yelled, he heard her voice through the door.

"Just making me look fuckable!"

 ** _TO BE CONTIUNED_**

 **ATTENTION: Sorry for the long period of time with no update. There are two of us writing and we can't write unless we are both there to bounce our ideas off each other, so between college and writing these fan fics, It's difficult to keep a regular schedule, Thank you for understanding (Hopefully). More chapters of this story are coming soon. And we are now taking requests, so if you have an idea; make sure to let us know. And, yes, we will start working on Pearl's Confession again.**

 **Thank you!**


	2. First Customer

"Oh, I look so fuckable now" Nanafue said as passionately as possible. She took her saggy flapjacks for boobs and pushed them into her sexy bikini top (The one with hearts over the nipples) and then shoved her hanging butt cheeks into her sexy thong. She twisted and twirled in the mirror, examining every portion of her erotic body.

"Mmh, I would grope my testicles and suck my dick if I weren't a little ol' innocent grandma" She said as she applied her smoky eye shadow and dark red lipstick. She pulled on her black fishnets over her legs and put on 3 inch heels.

"Mhm, yes, so sensual, yet, so… young." She said as she flashed back to her old helicoptering days with Tom Hanks in his youth, and those hot nights spent with Mr. Universe whenever Rose was too hormonal. She grabbed her purse and put it around her shoulder, strutting out of the bathroom.

"How do I look, Kofi?" She asked her son.

"Uh… U-ugly as hell!" Kofi then proceeded to slowly walk back to the kitchen as he felt he was going to hurl. But he tripped because his raging boner stumped into the doorway.

"Yep, I still got it!" Nanafue said she started to walk out into the darkness of the night. She walked to the fryman's place, standing near the streetlamp. She messed and toyed with her hair as she waited for her first 'customer'.

"And yeah, Sadie, maybe I'm a loser, but you're stuck with me!" Lars yelled into his phone as he went around the corner. Nanafue smiled, and then gently whispered into his ear as he walked by her.

"I will make your penis feel like peanut butter has been smeared all over an ass load of bread and went into this saggy ass pussy you will soon call home." Nanafue then grinned. Lars shivered and jumped away.

"What?! What's wrong with you? I'm a teenager." He yelped in fear. Nanafue smiled and opened her legs up and gestured to them.

"Come on home boy, its dinner time!" Lars screamed and ran away from her. Nanafue called after him.

"Come on and get you moldy peanut butter and pussy sandwich! It's been aged for decades! _It's nice and cripsy"_ She said in a low, gruff voice. Lars was long gone however, and she could only sigh.

"It's a shame what kids miss out on these days."

 _ **A/N: We're not sorry for this...**_


	3. First Victim

"I may wear dentures, but this mouth can do wonders!" Nanafue called out to Mr. Fryman, who was walking as fast as he can to his shop. It's been 2 weeks since she started her prostitution, and so far she had no takers. But that did nothing to dampen her spirits. Not even the flies buzzing around her filthy body would dare make her move an inch from her street corner.

"Come and get it! I may have a wooden hip, but I can still ride for ages!" She then proceeded to hump the air for effect.

"Mom, Stop this nonsense! Me and the kids haven't eaten for weeks now because you haven't been making any money! It's time to quit." Kofi demanded. Nanafue shook her head.

"Nope." She then yelled out "Woman, Man, Goat, Gem, and whatever the hell is. It doesn't matter! Nanafue's little shop of wonders is wet for anybody" Kofi smacked his head and started to walk away. Nanafue shrugged and continued to shout out advertisements.

"Gem, you say?" She heard a voice; she whipped around and saw Garnet walking towards her.

"Why yes, you interested?" She said seductively. Garnet had no reaction.

"Just wondering what you know about pleasuring gems." Garnet said simply. Nanafue smirked.

"Oh, a lot more than you think, your girl amethyst used to visit me back in my youth. Pearl also took quite a liking to my magic fingers." Nanafue said nonchalantly. Garnet looked unconvinced.

"Hm, I don't believe you." Garnet turned to leave, but her wrist was grabbed by Nanafue.

"Then how about I show you?" Nanafue whispered, wiggling her eyebrows at her. Garnet shivered.

"Maybe if you were sixty years younger, I would consider it, but now-" Though hidden by her glasses, Garnet trailed her eyes down Nanafue's body "I would rather unfuse for all eternity." She pulled her wrist away from her grasp. She was noticeably speed walking away from her.

"Damn shame, she was in for a treat." Nanafue sighed sadly. She then started to call out again.

"Step on up for crazy low prices!" She pointed to Rolando, who was walking down the boardwalk.

"You there! You can be the ken doll, and I can be the box you come in!" Rolando head snapped up, he gasped and ran up to her.

"Woah! You must be an alien from the planet Sedusa! You're as disgusting as people say you are!" He whipped out his phone and started to take pictures of her. "I got to get this for my blog!" Nanafue started posing for him.

"How about this blog boy. You can slide your banana into my sundae and we can make a banana split!" She winked at him and giggled. Rolando gasped.

"Will you take me to your secret lair so I may study your people?" He asked her excitedly, she grinned.

"Oh I'll stuff you into my lair and milk you dry alright! C'mon, let's explore every inch of my fajitas and see how much secret sauce I need!" She started to strut to his house; she turned her head and winked at him while clenching her butt cheeks. "But it will cost you" Rolando nodded.

"Any price for research!" He quickly started to follow after her.

Hours later, Rolando returned to the Fryman shack, his clothes messed up, his eyes the size of dinner plates and welts forming all over his arms. Peedee looked at Rolando and laughed.

"Did you get your research for the 'Seducians?" Peedee asked him after a laughing fit. Rolando head slowly turned towards him.

"Not the research I was looking for" He said in a very quiet voice. He then proceeded to walk into the back of the room, missing the kitchen staff door entirely and walking into the freezer instead.

Peedee could still hear sobbing seven hours later.


	4. Steven's Frybits

"Hey family!" Nanafue screamed as she walked into the shop. "Guess what I have".

"What, what is it you old whore bitch?" Kofi said angrily.

"Oh, well I guess you don't want this" she says as she pulls out $350 from her panty hoes that were previously shoved in her ass.

"Ooooooooooooh" Kofi says.

"Oh, you noticed my pussy I see" nanafue she says seductively "no no no. the money!" Kofi says in an awkward manner. Nanafue smiled at him.

"See, I told you I would make some money with my body" She winked at him and started to walk out of the restaurant.

"I'll be back soon" She said to Kofi. When she got to her usual spot, she saw Garnet waiting there.

"Oh, coming to take up my offer aren't you?" Nanafue said seductively. Garnet tensed up and shivered.

"No, I'm waiting for Steven" She said, pointed to said boy, who was at the counter at the fryman's. Nanafue frowned, then smiled again.

"Is there any chance you haven't taught his sex-ed yet?" She asked Garnet. Garnet said nothing, she only quickly walked to Steven and picked him up, and despite his protest, started walking in the _direction of the temple._

Nanafue then proceeded to say, "oh I see, playing hard to get, well just so you know, I know you're a fusion, and I have given more than on blowjob at a time!" she screamed and hollered. Garnet just walked away and covered Stevens ears as much as she could while Nanafue protested.

When Steven and garnet got back to the temple Garnet sat Steven down and simply said, "Steven, Stay, away, from that old lady out there, she is trouble. Do you understand?" Steven followed with a

"But why she wa-"and was cut off by, "Am I clear?"

"Do you want to test my body?, any experiments of pleasure ill allow" Nanafue said fallowed by a sexual groan. Ronaldo leaps out of the walk in freezer he has been in for the past 2 days crying about his big letdown,

"Did someone say experiments?" he muttered. Than he looked up and saw that it was nanafue, his lip quivered and he walked back into the freezer, and then followed by loud sobbing sounds.

Nanafue stood there for what seemed like hours, waiting for someone to take up her offer. Surprisingly enough, she saw Garnet again, but she was speed-walking and obviously avoiding eye contact. Before Nanafue could say anything, Garnet spoke.

"Steven only agreed to stay inside and far away from you if I got him some fry bits. So, don't talk to me and no, I don't want a blowjob; I don't even have those parts." Garnet said stoically, as she waited at the counter for the fry bits. Nanafue smirked.

"You think you can resist me, but no one is safe from my sexiness" Nanafue said. Garnet shivered once more; she grabbed the fry bits and broke out into a sprint. Nanafue sighed.

"They always run away, but then they come crawling back. Just like my 14th husband."


	5. Mr Frymans Little Fry

_**A/N: Sorry for the wait, life's a bitch.**_

Mr. Fryman nervously clutched the wad of money in his hand, he glanced around anxiously.

"Can't be seen doing this, bad for business" He muttered, he walked closer and closer to his target: The nasty slut Nanafue, who has a knack of sticking things up your butt when you least expect it, or so Rolando said. He didn't want to do this, but the death of his wife 5 years ago has left him sexually frustrated and without a meat pillow to plunge his little fry in. As he neared the street corner, he noticed Nanafue dancing on a lamp post, sliding up and down seductively as random citizens cheered her on and threw money at her. He hid behind a building for a while, waiting for the citizens to clear before he greeted her. Noticing him, she grinned.

"The usual, Mr. Fryman?"

* * *

As Mr. Fryman and Nanafue were "messing around", Garnet was out at the local grocery store. She bought 12 pounds of non purified bleach. She then heads back to the Temple (When she got to the street corner, she sprinted the rest of the way), and entered the house. Heading into the bathroom, she picked up Peridot and threw her out the window then she proceeded to pour all 12 pounds of bleach into the bath tub. Steven walks in on Garnet pouring the bleach.

"What are you doing Garnet?" He asks her, she slowly turned her head towards him.

"... you wouldn't understand" She said meekly. Steven then proceeds to back up slowly and then runs away. Once Garnet is done with pouring the bleach into the bath tub, she takes a deep breath and shoves her entire head in the tub. As she was doing this, Pearl walked by the bathroom, noticing her.

"Oh, Garnet! Did you look through Amethyst's browser history again? I told you that was dangerous!" Pearl scolded her. The only response she got was a gurgle, and slurping noises, Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Gems can't die from bleach ingestion, Garnet; I would know, I tried that when I saw Greg and Rose doing anal." She shuddered a bit "The worst part is, Rose wasn't the one receiving it" Garnet let out another gurgle, then she pulled her head out from the tub.

"Who knew that a elderly human could cause me more torment in a week then any other of my thousands years of life. I was simply minding my own business today, just walking over to the Big Donut to get the fat fuck, I mean, Steven his fix. She then jumped on my back and yelled "This Grandma's pussy ripples for big gem cock", she then started to dry hump my back. I still can't get the smell of fish off of my outfit" Garnet said. She dunked her head back into the tub.

* * *

Back to Mr. Fryman and Nanafue. Mr Fryman was throwing money at Nanafue while she was "dancing". After Mr. Frymans seductive night with Nanafue,. Peedee was doing his daily routine now that he was finally off "Frybo duty", he was doing some prep work before opening up the shop. Mr. Fryman walked through the kitchen and Peedee turned around looking offended and disgusted. Mr. Fryman looks at Peedee nervously and says,

"What, what are you giving me that look for?" Peedee reaches into his pocket and says,

"I found these stuck in your zipper, when I was doing laundry last night" He pulls his hand out of his pocket and holds out Nanafues old moist dentures.

"oh, I uh... those are grandmas, I um... was holding them for her while she was getting dental work done." Mr. Fryman says scratching his head nervously.

"oh, OK" says Peedee and then turns around continuing his prep work.

"Phew, that was close", Mr. Fryman muttered quietly. As he walked out of the kitchen, he wiped his forehead.

"I really hope he doesn't notice the semen in the Frybo suit"

 _ **A/N: Yeah, our updating schedule is screwed, but we'll try our best to keep it steady.**_


	6. Pearl gets Laid

_**A/N- What's this? An update?! After all this time?! *Swoon***_

 _ **Personally, I'm only writing this because that Bismuth episode fucked me up and I need to channel out my sadness with some of our mediocre (Boring) humor.**_

* * *

"For the last time Pearl, I'm not coming out!" Garnet said through the Temple door. How sound came through it was beyond this story's comprehension, but hell, it did it. Pearl sighed, ceasing her incessant knocking. She frowned as she thought of another way to get Garnet to come out of the Burning Room. For the past week,Garnet had been constantly harassed by that fugly old lady that sold herself near the Big Donuts street corner, and every time, she would come running back to the house and would lock herself in the Burning Room, either crying for hours on end or muttering something incomprehensible to herself. It was starting to get a bit tiresome.

"Garnet, stop acting like a teenager and come help me with this mission." Pearl tried again, her voice coming out a bit more stern than she intended.

"No! You don't understand my struggles!" Garnet snapped through the other side of the door. Pearl sighed, and began to think of another way to coax her out from the room. An idea popped into her mind. She stepped away from the Temple door and cleared her throat.

"What's that Steven? You think Ruby and Sapphire are sisters?" Pearl called out. A few moments later, she could hear heavy footsteps, and the Temple door opened and Garnet came running out of it.

"Now listen here you little shit-" Garnet started, pointing her finger to no one in particular until she faltered, looking around for Steven. Once she realized that had been tricked, she made a mad dash for the Temple door, only to be blocked by Pearl. She stared long and hard at Pearl.

"Pearl, get out of my way." Garnet said dangerously. Pearl shook her head.

"Not until you stop being afraid of some old hooker." Pearl retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and staring sternly at Garnet. Garnet shifted her weight from side to side, before finally replying.

"She isn't just some "Old Hooker', she is obviously a secret weapon created by Homeworld to come down to Earth and break the most iron-willed of Gems, she is pure evil, I tell you!" Garnet ranted, her voice taking on a more frantic tone as she continued. Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, you starting to sound like Peridot with all your theories, if it's really bothering you so much, than how about I go talk to her" Pearl suggested. Garnet gasped and shook her head vigorously.

"No, absolutely not! I'm not going let you take on a being of pure evil on your own, we need extra preparation in this mission. I'm talking old school; informants, memorizing her patrol schedules, studying the way she fights and- Hey! Where are you going?!" Garnet called out to Pearl, who was walking towards the door. Pearl ignored her, exiting the house.

* * *

As Pearl approached the street corner, the first thing she noticed was Nanafue's completely naked form, and that she was humping a fish, but Pearl ignored the latter and instead focused her attention on Nanafue's lovely body. Nanafue noticed Pearl, and gave her a seductive smile.

"Fifteen dollars and I'll eat that ass out like it's my last supper" Nanafue said, grinning at Pearl, who had walked closer to her. Pearl hummed, still not taking her eyes off of Nanafue's body.

"How much for a night?" Pearl said, forgetting her previous motive to tell her to 'Get the Fuck off my Leader'; Her eyes snapped up to meet Nanafue's. Nanafue grinned at Pearl again, strutting over to her to hook her leg around Pearl's.

"Ohh, you're a lot more willing than the other one. I like that" Nanafue whispered to Pearl. She climbed up Pearl's body so she can reach her ears.

"$100 dollars for anyone else, but for you, $50" Nanafue murmured in Pearl's ear. Pearl nodded quickly.

"Alright, I can do that, but I have strict rules," Pearl began " Firstly, no butt stuff, Rose once shoved one of my swords up my ass mid-fuck and to this day I still can't walk correctly. Secondly, you will only address me as Salty Momma, and nothing else." Pearl finished. Nanafue clapped her hands together.

"Oh, I love a girl with standards" Nanafue chirped. She took Pearl's hand in her own. "Come on, I'll take you to my secret base and we can fuck each other until we both die of STD's" Pearl laughed nervously.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't go _that_ far."

* * *

Garnet was sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth and murmuring quietly to herself. The door to the house opened, and her head snapped up. Her eyes widened behind her glasses, and she quickly got to her feet.

"Pearl, what happened?!" Garnet demanded. Pearl looked like a mess, there were bruises all over her, as well as lipstick, her hair was disheveled and her sash was missing. Pearl's expression was blank. She slowly walked to the couch and sat down. Garnet worriedly followed her.

"It was amazing," Pearl started quietly, looking at her feet. " Better than anything I could of imagined. What that mouth did, and those 28 sex positions that blew my mind and destroyed my genitalia." Pearl stopped. Garnet put a hand on her back.

"Take your time." Garnet said to Pearl. She nodded in acknowledgement, and slowly turned to look at Garnet.

"Garnet." Pearl said.

"Y-Yes?"

Pearl slowly turned her head to look at the wall.

"She did it. She cured my Thirst."

* * *

 _ **A/N: *Still crying over Bismuth***_


End file.
